Letting Go
by Mistiel
Summary: Joan is finally ready to let go. Only problem is, the one she loves doesn't really want her to.


Okay, so this is my second JoA fic, aside from a few little drabbles. I'm so in love with this show and Joan/Adam. I decided while listening to this song that I'd try something a little different. I noticed alot of people were doing the whole talent show thing where she sang to Adam. I like that idea. So I'm going to do that, but a wee bit different. Don't kill me for this either, I don't plan to end it this way. Well .. not really. *g* This **is** a one-shot fic, but if you want a sequel to it, let me know. Forgive me if they seem a wee bit ooc, This is the first time writing more than one JoA character. Anyways ... here we go. 

I don't own JoA, as we know. The song used is by Michelle Branch. I got the idea by listening to it.   


  


*** * * * * * * * * * ***   
**Letting Go**

It was 7:25 am and Joan was finally getting out of bed. She tossed the covers back, stiffled a yawn, climbed out of bed and got dressed. She grabbed her bag and headed downstairs for a quick breakfast before heading off to school. 

"Why can't school start at a decent hour" She started as she grabbed some toast and buttered it "Like noon" 

Her mother just smiled as she handed Luke a glass for his juice. "You'd still be late" Luke said as he put down his glass. 

"Can it geekwad" She said as brushed her hands together, dusting the crumbs for her hands. "I'm off." She said as she headed for the door. 

Joan got to school about twenty minutes before the bell rang and was at her locker when she looked over at the sound of someone giggling close by. She nearly blanched when she seen it was Iris and Adam. She sighed softly and turned away from them, not really in the mood for their oh so public display of affection. 

"I don't get why you just don't tell him." 

Joan looked over to the familiar voice, which belonged to Grace as she leaned against the locker next to Joans. 

"It's not that easy Grace." 

"Yes it is. You just walk over there, push Ms Goodygoody away and tell him you like him." 

"If only it were that simple." 

"It can be." 

"No, it can't. Nothing in my life is never simple. Believe me." She said as she put her bag away and closed the door. 

"You can't avoid the inevitable Girardi" She said as she walked off, opposite way of the class she was *supposed* to attend. 

Joan sighed as she started for her class, passing both Adam and Iris. Iris noticed her and said hi to Joan, who replied with a mumbled hi of her own before quickly walking away. Adam watched Joan go, a hint of sadness in his eyes, he looked down before Iris could see it. 

* * *

Joan sat there in AP Chem, the most boring class that ever existed, listening to the teacher drone on about .. whatever. She wasn't really paying attention as she had other things on her mind at the time. Mainly Adam and Iris, or more specifically Adam. 

She knew she couldn't keep torturing herself like this. She said she couldn't "couple" with him, that she didn't want too. But she didn't expect Adam to take so well to Iris. Or expect them to have so much in common. It hurt Joan whenever she saw them together. But she knew that he wasn't going to wait for ever for her to be ready. And she had to accept that. Really accept that. Saying it and doing it were entirely two different things. She needed to let go. She knew that. He was happy with Iris. The girl complimented him in ways Joan couldn't. Mainly in the ways of artistic creativity. Something she didn't have. Which she was reminded of every night in her dreams when her mind replayed that event over and over. 

She had to let go. It was the only way she could really be happy for him. The only way she could accept them. She had to do it, but she didn't want too. She feared that if she let go, she'd lose him completely. Be not afraid, God had once told her ... but she was. 

Joan looked up as the bell rang and the teacher gave out some last minute lesson that she didn't catch. She'd just get it from Luke later at home. She quickly grabbed her bag and headed out of the class room before her friends or brother could comment on her daydreaming. 

Outside in the hallway as she walked to her next class she was stopped by a boy, maybe two years younger than herself, handing out flyers of some sort. He stopped her and handed one to her. 

"Uh, thanks, but I don't want one" She said as she tried hand it back to him. 

"Sure you do." He said as he handed a flyer to another student passing by. 

Joan narrowed her eyes "Figures. So what is it this time?" She said, standing there with her hand on her hip and flyer in hand. 

"I want you to participate Joan." He said with a smile. One she would of thought was adorable if it wasn't the Almighty himself. 

"Fine, whatever. What do I have to do?" 

"Whatever you want Joan. All I ask is that you participate." 

"Okay. So what is this thing anyways." 

He just smiled at her "You'd know if you read it" He said as he handed out yet another one. 

Joan glared at him before looking down at the yellow piece of paper. "It's a benefit? For ... The artclass? What?" 

He nodded. "Yes, the artclass needs new supplies but they don't have the budget. So they're holding a benifit and the admission is five dollars per person" 

"But I'm not artistic! You *know* this!" She said, throwing her hands in the air in frustration. 

"Sure you are Joan. Art takes many forms, not just on paper or in sculptures." He said, handing out the last flyer. 

"Ugh .. I don't even want to do this! The whole school will be there! Grace, Adam ... ugh, Iris. I thought you liked me.." Joan trailed off. 

God just chuckled. "You know you don't have to do it." 

"I know, I know. Free will and all that. Like I can say no." She said rolling her eyes. 

He shook his head and smiled. "Just make sure you participate." 

"I don't even know what to do!" 

"You'll know" 

He then turned around and headed down the hall, opposite way of Joans class. 

"So do you! Why can't you just tell me!" She yelled after him. But his only reply was the one handed wave she'd come to know so well. 

Joan looked down at the flyer. "They'll think I'm crazy for sure this time."   


* * *

"Are you crazy!?" Grace asked as she took the flyer from Joan's hand. 

"Apparently." 

"I think it's kind of cool, yo" Adam replied as he poked his lunch with his fork. 

"I'm going to be in it too." Iris chimed in. 

"Oh?" Adam looked over at Iris in slight surprise. 

"Yeah, I'm going to show one of my paintings and discuss the meaning." She said with a smile, then wrapped her arm around Adam's and laid her head on him. "What about you Joan?" 

"Uh .. I .. don't know what I'm going to do yet." 

"Well ... whatever it is I'm sure it'll be good." Iris said, as if trying to sound supportive. 

"Riiight ... well .. I'm off" Grace announced as she got up from the table and walked off. 

Adam looked at Iris and offered a sympathetic look. Grace still wasn't pleased with the idea of "It" being around Adam, let alone dating him. Grace once told Joan that she thinks Iris is trying to corrupt him. Joan just laughed and told her she was being silly. 

"Well .. I have to get to class. I'll see you guys later" She said as she grabbed her stuff and her tray, dumping it in the trash can as she walked out of the cafeteria. 

The rest of the day droned on and on, to the point where Joan thought it would never end. Finally the bell rang and it was time to go home. She went to her locker, put the books she didn't need away and started for the front doors. 

As she started down the steps Luke caught up with her and now walked by her side, both in step with each other. 

"So you're going to be in the benefit." 

"How'd you know?" 

"I'm not deaf Joan." 

"Yeah I am." 

"Why?" He asked, as if it really *was* the craziest thing he'd heard. 

"Because I am." 

"That's not really-" 

"Look. I just am. Okay? So leave it alone." She snapped. 

"Geez, okay." 

They both walked the rest of the way home in silence. Once through the door, Joan went directly to her room while Luke went into the kitchen where the rest of the family was. 

When Joan came down for dinner she was instantly questioned about the benifit. Her brother's wanted to know why, Her mother was near tears and her father asked what she was going to do. Suddenly she felt very overwhelmed with all of this and just stormed off to her room, shutting the door and locking it. 

She plopped down on her bed, grabbed her CD case and started to flip through them in order to find something good to listen to. Then suddenly it hit her. She knew what she was going to do. She knew how she was going to let go. And it was time. 

* * *

Joan paced back and forth back stage. She was the next to go on and the person before her had just started. She had some time. She peeked out into the audience and seen her family, as well as Grace, Adam and Iris. Iris had gone on earlier and her painting as well as discussion was remarkable. She seen Adam smiling the whole time. This only comfirmed what she needed to do. 

"I told you you'd know" 

Joan looked over in surprise and saw CuteBoy!God leaning against the exit door. She smiled weakly. "Yeah .. you did." She looked down at the mic in her hand and figited. 

"I'm sorry for being snappy earlier." 

"It's okay Joan, you know that." 

She looked up and smiled at him. At that time the stage producer told her she had less than five minutes to prepare. She nooded and looked back, CuteBoy!God turned to leave. 

"Wait!" She called after him. He stopped and turned around, raising his brow. 

"Stay .. please. I can't do this alone." She said, her tone almost pleading to him. 

"You're not alone Joan, you know that." 

"I ... I know .. but .. please? Just humour me?" She said with a wary smile. 

CuteBoy!God smiled and nodded, and returned to his spot against the exit door. "You're on." 

Joan nodded and headed for the stage. She stood there until the stage producer introduced her. 

She walked out onto the middle of the stage, a round of applause from the audience made her smile. She walked up to the mic stand and placed the mic and lowered it to the height she needed. She covered the head as she cleared her voice. She quickly looked over to the back and smiled when CuteBoy!God nodded, she knew he'd stay and that in itself gave her strength. 

"This song I'm about to sing is about letting go. I've learned that sometimes you need to let go, even though it hurts. Like the saying 'You don't know what you've got til it's gone'. I found out what that meant first hand. Although it hurts. I know it's the right thing to do. No matter what, or how much I hate it ... I need to let go." 

She looked back to the band that had been prepared and nodded. She closed her eyes as the familiar tune started to play, and on que she started to sing. 

//   
Of all the things I've believed in   
I just want to get it over with   
Tears form behind my eyes   
But I do not cry   
Counting the days that pass me by   
// 

Grace looked over at Luke, who just shrugged and turned his attention back to his sister. 

//   
I've been searching deep down in my soul   
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old   
It feels like I'm starting all over again   
The last three years were just pretend   
And I said,   
// 

Joan looked over at Adam and Iris, but her eyes locked with his as she sang, her eyes shining. 

//   
Goodbye to you   
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew   
You were the one I loved   
The one thing that I tried to hold on to   
// 

Iris looked at Joan in surprise, then looked over at Adam, who had a look of awe and confusion as he watched Joan sing. 

Joan closed her eyes as she started the next verse, trying to keep the tears from falling. 

//   
I still get lost in your eyes   
And it seems that I can't live a day without you   
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away   
To a place where I am blinded by the light   
But it's not right 

Goodbye to you   
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew   
You were the one I loved   
The one thing that I tried to hold on to   
// 

Adam looked over at Grace with a "What's going on?" look. Grace raised her brow at him, knowing he knew the answer. He looked down, but the next verse made his heart stop as he heard her sing it. 

//   
And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time   
I want what's yours and I want what's mine   
I want you   
But I'm not giving in this time 

Goodbye to you   
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew   
You were the one I loved   
The one thing that I tried to hold on to   
The one thing that I tried to hold on to   
// 

Joan sang her heart out, pouring every ounce of her being into the words, tears now streaming down her face, but she didn't care. They came more freely as she entered the last verse of the song. 

//   
Goodbye to you   
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew   
You were the one I loved   
The one thing that I tried to hold on to   
The one thing that I tried to hold on to 

And when the stars fall   
I will lie awake   
You're my shooting star   
// 

She spoke the last three lines of the song, in barely above a whisper, but it was still audible for all to hear. She stood there, the audience was quiet as the song was so full of emotion they didn't know whether to cry or applaud. 

She held out the microphone an arms length in front of her and then released her grasp, letting it fall to the ground with a loud echoing thud, signifying her letting him go. She then looked away and walked off backstage. 

"You were very good Joan." 

"I don't feel very good." She looked up and smiled a bit. "Thank you for being there." 

"I'm always *there* Joan." 

"I know .. but it helped seeing you there." 

CuteBoy!God smiled at her. "I know." He looked past her "You're family's looking for you, you better go." 

Joan looked back and saw her mother and father talking to members of the stage production. She looked back to reply but seen he was already gone. She just smiled and walked out the exit door, not wanting to talk to her family, Grace or Adam. 

She just told the whole school that she was in love and that she was letting go. She needed to be alone right now. 

* * *

Adam sat there, staring at the stage where Joan had once been. Iris was still sitting next to him, but she wasn't staring at the stage. 

"What was that?" She said, sounding a bit upset. 

"Wha?" He said, looking over at her, as if he'd forgotten she was there. 

"That. Her song. It was about you wasn't it?" She said angrily. 

"I ... I don't know Iris." He said, still shocked himself by her song. 

"I think you do. But you know what. I'm going to forget about it. Because you mean alot to me, and by the tone of that number up there it sounds like she's finally letting go." 

Adam looked up at Iris in surprise at what she'd said. "Letting .. go?" 

"Yes Adam. She's realized that you're not going to wait forever and that she's not getting you back." She said, almost laughing at the last part, as if it was an absurd idea that she could've. 

Adam stood up and started to walk out of the isle and headed for the doors. "Adam? I thought we were going to go to dinner?" 

"I've ... I've got some things to think about." He replied without looking back. 

He walked out of the auditorium and walked for the front doors. He looked over at Joans parents who were speaking with a few people. He noticed Grace standing with Luke, when she looked over at him. She raised her brow as if saying "Well?" She probably knew all along, or at least had an idea about what Joan was going to do. 

He just lowered his head and walked out the doors. 

Joan sat on the hanged seat in the back yard, staring up at the sky. She couldn't believe what she'd just done. But she knew in order to get past this she had to. Little did she know that the person she loved didn't want her to let go, nor was he ready for her to. 

------------------ 

Tada! The end! Heh. I know. What happened to the sappy happy ending! NO! No ending for j00! Heh. Sorry. Anyways, yes. Want a sequel? Lemme know! I hope everyone wasn't too ooc, as this was my first time writing more than one person. Heheh. Critisizm is welcome but flames will be used for smores. 


End file.
